Saturday, April 4, 2009

The Face of Hell

Now I may be the worst mother ever, on the sentimentality score card but I am NOT the worst parent. First, I am bad because today Boko went to his first birthday parties. And he had a lot of firsts. First on the big bouncy contraptions and slides. First time in a pool. First time on a climbing wall. First time seeing Spiderman, aka, creepy man with junk showing who one HAS to wonder- Why is this grown man traipsing around in this outfit only to be subjected to 4-10 year old bad behavior during his "act"? What exactly is his satisfaction?

To my defense, however, Boko DID drop my camera and put a big spider web crack on the preview screen. I'm telling you, Best Buy is totally losing on this warranty. Its like sending me to an all inclusive resort. Really, you WANT to give ME open bar. Good Luck!!!

Anyway, at the first party today a woman came to the party, late. Now I can't say , for sure that her name was Rosemary, but I have my suspicions. We were at Kangaroo Zoo, which is basically an indoor arena for big air inflated bouncy things..... Whatever. Anyway, you have to go in without shoes. I was back out to get something out of one of our bins and there she was, with her 2, 2.5 year old. So first of all I thought she can't be part of our group because this is a 5 year old birthday party. Then I see her talking to the mother and realize that she is a guest. This is when I really notice little Damian. That was not actually his name but we will use it to protect the innocent. And by innocent, I mean me. As we all know, demon spawn knows when you talk about them, especially negative, then the creepy music starts to play and you fall through the ice, or through the banister. So for my safety, let's keep this anonymous.

I see this child and he looks at me, and I swear to god, all of his teeth were pointed. They ALL came to a point. I'm really not kidding. And the light glinted off of them with the warning that if you came close enough he could bite off a limb like most kids would bite into a marshmallow bunny. We are talking horror movie, leprechaun, don't put your hand in there, oh my god how could a limb be severed like that - situation!! And his laugh! Oh his laugh. It was pure evil. Cliche I know but I was afraid. It was maniacal, like something you would expect in a Manson documentary. I mean really. This kid is a bad seed. It is obvious.

And the mother. She immediately checked out. Talking to other people. Socializing like everything is okay. Like her child isn't one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse. Keep telling yourself that sweetheart. And granted, she looked normal, but hey, doesn't the anti-christ usually choose someone who looks perfectly harmless?

I watched this kid interacting with the other kids. I had him down to 60 seconds flat to clean out a bouncy. He would go in swinging. Hitting every kid in site. And hard. One girl tried to tell on him and she paid.

In the party room, his mere presence sent other children into blood curdling screams. Parents would come running only to find out that Damien had inflicted his person into the personal space of their child.

Needless to say, I did not attempt to befriend this mother. Sorry, she is on her own and I expect to see the news of her untimely and curious death on the news any day now. I did see her correct him once.....